


Please, Baby.

by One_Chicago_Fanfiction



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:54:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23497831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/One_Chicago_Fanfiction/pseuds/One_Chicago_Fanfiction
Summary: Adam and Jay haven't gone public with their relationship yet, but it comes to light when Jay is shot by Angela Nelson. As Will and the unit await the results of Jay's surgery, Adam falls apart in front of Voight.
Relationships: Jay Halstead/Adam Ruzek
Comments: 12
Kudos: 123





	Please, Baby.

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Human](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23422687) by [PhoenixTodoroki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixTodoroki/pseuds/PhoenixTodoroki). 



In the hospital waiting room, Adam couldn’t breathe. They’d taken Jay right into surgery, left Adam abandoned at the doors marked for hospital personnel only. The doors swung shut behind them, and he watched through the glass until the doctors wheeled Jay round a corner, barely conscious on the gurney, and all the air left Adam’s lungs.  
The moment Jay was out of sight, the strength went out of him. His legs threatened to buckle, his hands started to shake. His heart beat so hard he could hear the pounding in his ears, and it was louder than the tannoy announcements in the background, louder than Hailey Upton saying his name so gently, like she was worried the sound would shatter him. He barely registered it. 

Hailey brought a hand down softly onto his shoulder, and met his gaze with a tight smile, and a nod towards the rows of chairs in the waiting room. 

“Come on,” she said. “Let’s take a seat, okay?”

“Yeah,” Adam breathed, and he let her take his hand, still wet with blood, and he followed her. 

Within minutes the whole unit was there, and they passed the hours of Jay’s surgery in deafening silence. Adam felt raw and hollowed out. He could barely look at Will. His breath was fast and shallow. He could feel the palpitations in his chest, and all the while the images of Jay, motionless and bleeding, were all he could see. He remembered how pale Jay looked, how hot and slick his blood was on Adam’s hands, the way Adam begged him in front of a room full of colleagues they hadn’t yet announced their relationship to. 

“Please, baby,” he’d said. “Stay with me, baby. Please.”

A sickly realisation shot through him then, and Adam looked down at his trembling hands. 

Blood.

Jay’s blood. 

He’d pressed his hands against the wound as he begged his boyfriend to hold on. Then he’d sat here in this waiting room, lost in fear and trauma, and he’d watched the minutes drag by, turned down every vending machine offering laid in his lap except the bottle of water. He’d done all of that, and he hadn’t even washed his damn hands.

Adam choked back a sob.

He pushed up out of his seat, didn’t say a word as he moved towards the restroom, didn’t look back. He shouldered open the door and fought to get his breathing under control as he turned on the faucet, held his hands under the water even after it grew scalding. Jay’s blood was everywhere—insidious. It stained his fingers, it was under his nails. With every trace he found, Adam’s chest felt tighter, and the sob that tore from his throat was hollow, visceral.  
He didn’t even hear the door push open, but there was Voight over his shoulder in the mirror. 

“Ruzek,” said Voight, his gravel voice soft enough to pull Adam out of his panic. “Adam.”

“I can’t,” Adam said, nodding down at his hands. “I-I didn’t even—I-I just—“

“It’s okay,” Voight said, holding up his own hands as he moved towards Adam. He pulled a wad of paper towels from the dispenser, wet them under the tap and pressed them against Adam’s hands. One at a time, Voight used the towels to scrub away the dried blood, and Adam simply stood there, breathing in, breathing out, trying not to replay everything for the hundredth time in his mind.  
When Adam’s hands were clean, Voight tossed the paper towels into the garbage and placed both hands on Adam’s shoulders.

“Halstead’s made of strong stuff,” he said. “He’s been through worse than this and come out fighting, you hear me?”

“I hear you,” Adam said, but his voice faltered on the words, and before he could try to stop himself, his vision blurred with tears that spilled warm down his cheeks. “Sarge, I just—I knew there was something he wasn’t telling me. I told him not to—I told him to leave it alone.” Adam sobbed then, and Voight was there in an instant, pulling him into a hug, his grip surprisingly tight. Adam froze for a moment with surprise, then clung to his sergeant as his body shook.

“Halstead thinks with his heart,” Voight said. “That’s just how he is. You gotta make your peace with that, and focus on being there for him when he needs you. It’s a long road ahead, Ruzek.”

“You’re talking like he’s out of the woods,” Adam said, pulling back from his sergeant. “We don’t even know if he’s gonna—if he…” Adam squeezed his eyes shut. 

“Here,” Voight pushed more paper towels towards him and then pushed his hands back into his pockets. “Get yourself cleaned up, and let’s go sit back down. We’re in this together, Adam. Whatever happens, this family sticks together. You got it?”

“Yeah,” Adam breathed, drying his eyes with the backs of his hands, pulling in a sharp breath through his nose and nodding at Voight. “I got it. I got it.”

“Alright then,” Voight said, one hand on Adam’s back as they walked together to the door. Adam took one last deep breath before emerging back into the waiting room, where everyone but Will was clearly trying not to watch him too closely. Will looked as haunted as Adam felt, and so this time when he sat down, he sat down beside his boyfriend’s brother.

He’d barely even sat back down when those doors—those doors through which Jay had disappeared—slid open, revealing Dr Marcel with an expression Adam couldn’t read.

Adam held his breath, and begged whatever force of the universe might listen to him—begged without words and without breath that Jay Halstead was okay.

Please, baby.


End file.
